#i literally have no idea what im doing with my life so if you have advice pls help

[strangeaxel]

I hate BPD so much, i hate it so much, i just want it to stop being like this.

I'll just go to sleep maybe I'll dream something nice but my god i hate my brain so much I don't even know who i am or what i need, i just want to feel okay i feel like im never enough for anyone. Im just tired and scared,ni hate how life isn't like the movies, i want my life to be a big fiction where im the protagonist, i watch movies and series and i just feel so much jealousy.

I wonder where my friends are, i wonder where my parents are. I wonder where's that childhood I've always wanted. I know I only have one chance to be alive and this is what i get? Remembering my childhood with a 8 year old me begging my mom to kill me bc i didn't want to keep being alive, i just wanted life to end at the tender age of 8 years old and my mom only laughed at me. And my dad doesn't even love me, he never did, i hate him so much as much as he hates me or even more. Idk what to do.

I ain't no perfect human, I'll never be as im sick since i was born and everywhere ill go I'll disgust everyone. Idk what to do anymore. I just want this suffering to stop. Talking isn't useful either, i just want some lovely arms to rest on and feel like I'm in the home i never had.

I hate to know how tough it is to have someone with mental illness as your friend or family, i hate to know im a burden and i hate to know that nobody will actually relate to any of my interests. The world should have stopped in 2015. i envy people that have friends and still do that bullshit of "no, im fine" and say internally "oh i love them, they're so lovely but I'll just keep quiet so i don't bother them" and their friends and family would die to know their state, selfish bullshit, i know you're sad and all but where tf did you get that idea??! I literally would die for your situation. My lord. I wish i could just have what you have. I wish i was skinny, i wish i was innocent, i wish i was a kid again and stop everything that's coming to me, i wish i had born somewhere else, i wish i wasn't me, i wish my brain wasn't like this, i wish nobody hated me, i wish i didn't hate everyone, i wish i could live, i wish my dad love me, i wish my family love me, i wish everyone love me, i wish i was a good person, i wish i was somewhere else.

I won't accept im 20 next year, I won't accept my life is ruined, I won't accept i am still alive.

I wanna be an idle teen. Something i couldn't even do. Im that autistic girl that died in her couch, that's me, it's just that nobody know it, nobody knows my parents don't care enough, nobody knows i drop off school bc of bullying and depression at 13 and that i rot in my bed.

The whole, "K*lling urself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" bullshit is spouted by the ignorant lucky ones who have only had temporary problems. Some people's problems are permanent so maybe try offering actual help and support to them rather than regurgitating an overused phrase that means nothing to people with real struggles.

[insomnya777]

goodtimeswithscar reputation board? *takes a drag of cigarette 🚬* heh... haven't heard that name in a while

[lemongogo]

oo u want 2 draw soo bad..

[thebirdandhersong]

Lol

[wildshadowtamer]

Im gonna run through this with what im pretty sure we know from the show, and some theories

King's gylphs actually show up on the bubble he forms to protect the Collector during his beserk rage. the one to the right is his Light glyph, and based off his dad's glyphs, i'd guess the right one is an Ice glyph, and the top one is a plant glyph. that's presuming he has the same elements in his glyphs then his dad.

2. i have no idea why he or Eda enters berserk mode, im just as confused to you, same to question 3

4. Why do harpy eda and titan Luz have similar eyes, probably because Luz or her subconscious designed her titan form around the witches and demons she knows. King's hands and claws, Eda's eyes, etc

5. What did the archivists do to the baby titans. based on the very small skulls in the Titan Trappers base, probably killed them. Especially considering Bill, when under the Collector's puppetry, referred to them as King's 'siblings'

6. How did the archivists defeat the titans. good question, not sure. The mural on King's tower's wall and the Collector's painting both depict titan trappers taking down a Titan, or, based on the shooting star going towards the titan, distracting them for long enough for the Collectors to attack. but, ultimately, we dont know exactly how they managed it, though they are literal gods so who knows.

7. Did the archivists know about the Titans before the collector met the baby titans. according to the Collector themselves, yes, but they sent the Collector down specifically to interact the titans. to quote him; "The Archivists, my siblings. "Oh, let's play a game", they said. "Let's play hide-and-seek." / "You go down there and see if the titans wanna play!" / But the Archivists were scared of their power, so one by one, they disappeared, until there was one Titan left."

8. Why did the archivist entrap the owl beast. im not sure what you mean by this considering they did, by turning it into a curse. but the wiki says "It is not known why the Owl Beast was turned into the scroll, but according to the collectors' motto, they seal living beings to preserve them forever."

9. Why did the titan create Jean-luc and the island. to protect his egg, the Collector says so in Episode 3, "He hid his egg from me and trapped me.", and its said in King's backstory episode, "That thing was defending King from us this whole time". it's shown in King's Tide that the symbol carved into the tower at the island was a protection symbol that hid King from the Collector's sight.

10. What happened to papa titan after king heard his voice. It's implied hearing his dad's voice was the last time the Titan was alive, meaning he died somehow shortly after. his exact cause of death is still unknown

Are titans able to transcend life and death, i dont know what you mean by this question

12. Were the titans able to transfer their powers to other living beings when they were alive, theres no canon that i know of saying one way or the other, but i dont think they could. i think the Titan's ability to do that was purely because his soul was stuck in the inbetween dimension.

13. Was the symbol on King’s collar created by an adult titan to protect its younglings or baby titan to play hide and seek with the collector. as i said previously, likely by his father to hide him from the Collector

14. Did Titans purposely hide their corpses from Belos and his followers to protect their inhabitants. i dont know what you mean by this

15. What is hooty. a demon created by the muck of the rotting corpse, according to himself, though considering theres a mini hooty in Papa Titan's eye in the inbetween, he may be some sort of parasite to the Titan's body. maybe he was a natural part of the Titan, who knows. Dana intended to go into Hooty's backstory if there was a full season 3, but alas.

16. Who is the grand Huntsman. Either the Collector or one of the Archivists, its never really stated

17. What happened with the Titan trappers before for the future. i dont know about before For The Future, but Bill and one of the other Titan Trappers are puppeted by The Collector

18. What kind of powers do Titans possess. Sonic scream, unique glyph magic (presuming the Titan had glyphs when he was alive like King does in the finale), fire breath (based on the Collector's painting), and presumably flight, considering they have wings.

19. Is the owl beast a sort of titan. the Collector states their magic doesnt work on Titans, but the Archivists trapped the Owl Beast, so probably not. Though considering the extensive definitions to 'demons' in the Demon Realm, maybe theres several layers of titans. we don't know.

20. How did the collector know about the draining spell, presumably from his siblings, though we dont know for certain. perhaps its an old Archivist sealing trick.

21. Where did the titan trappers get the titan skulls from. according to the wiki, "At San Diego Comic Con 2023, confirmation was given that the specific young titans whose skulls they wore were King's siblings", so. take that heartbreaking info as you wish.

How did the Titan trappers know what Titans look like, they have the skeleton of one hanging in one of their rooms, and they have contact with the Collector or another Archivist, who has seen them. Not to mention they likely have murals of their own depicting titans.

23. What are Galdor stones, a highly powerful magical stone that boosts a witch's (or demon's, presumably) powers. According to Dana Terrace, there were further story plans for the galdorstones which were not realized in the series due to the shortening of the third season. Personally, i think their crystalizations of some part of the Titan's corpse, like a diamond-izing of pure magic or blood.

24. What was the moon mirror that communicated with the collector. if you mean the thing he was trapped in, i have no idea. i presume Dana had plans to explain it, but for now, we only know its a prison for the Collector.

25. Was everything in the owl house from papa Titan’s point of view. thats a very funny thought and im choosing to believe its true.

26. Was eda’s curse destroyed in the fight with Belos, no, why would it be? there's nothing saying either way if it did, but i dont know why it would be, considering that doesnt match anything we've seen of the Curse.

27. Is King able to peek into the in between or was it because of the connection that the Titan trappers set between him and the collector. likely just the connection the Titan Trappers caused, the same way Belos could only see in with the weird tablet thing

28. Are the titans able to Shapeshift. no? again, not sure why they would be able to?

29. Why did eda curse react to the collector but not Lilith’s. I think its because Eda's curse was the one to be captured, and Lillith's is just sort of an offshoot, though its never explained in canon. so, Eda's beast has the memories of the Collector's siblings trapping them, and Lillith's doesn't.

30. Can the realm in between see the past and future. based on what we see, only the present and past, unless the Titan's heightened powers makes him exclusively capable of seeing the past through the cubes. we dont know about any future sight, though that'd make for a cool fanfiction.

Questions i still have for the owl house that will never be answered

Mainly for the collector species and titans

1. What do king’s glyphs look like

2. Why did king grow more fur and seem to grow bigger when he went berserk in watching and dreaming

3. Why did the owl beast grow bigger and have similar eyes to king’s when eda transformed

4. Why do harpy eda and titan Luz have similar eyes

5. What did the archivists do to the baby titans

6. How did the archivists defeat the titans

7. Did the archivists know about the Titans before the collector met the baby titans

8. Why did the archivist entrap the owl beast

9. Why did the titan create Jean-luc and the island

10. What happened to papa titan after king heard his voice

11. Are titans able to transcend life and death

12. Were the titans able to transfer their powers to other living beings when they were alive

13. Was the symbol on King’s collar created by an adult titan to protect its younglings or baby titan to play hide and seek with the collector

14. Did Titans purposely hide their corpses from Belos and his followers to protect their inhabitants

15. What is hooty

16. Who is the grand Huntsman

17. What happened with the Titan trappers before for the future

18. What kind of powers do Titans possess

19. Is the owl beast a sort of titan

20. How did the collector know about the draining spell

21. Where did the titan trappers get the titan skulls from

22. How did the Titan trappers know what Titans look like

23. What are Galdor stones

24. What was the moon mirror that communicated with the collector

25. Was everything in the owl house from papa Titan’s point of view

26. Was eda’s curse destroyed in the fight with Belos

27. Is King able to peek into the in between or was it because of the connection that the Titan trappers set between him and the collector

28. Are the titans able to Shapeshift

29. Why did eda curse react to the collector but not Lilith’s

30. Can the realm in between see the past and future

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears

I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!

The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.

More:

Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.

Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)

Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.

Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.

Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.

The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.

They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.

And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.

I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.

[perilegs]

my sweet little baby man is no longer with us

[satorugojoswiife]

What do you think about gojo ships

I feel like I'm pretty indifferent to most of them. This is super cringe of me, but whenever I fall super in love with a character I don't often like shipping them romantically with anyone. 💀 (im delusional I know)

It doesn't help that for some reason the jjk fandom (especially twt) is weirdly aggressive about ships. I know it isn't all the shippers and it's mostly just the loud minority, but seeing so much of the discourse has kinda put me off and I don't really engage much with the ships in the fandom except for rarepairs and selfships bc alot of the time those communities are more wholesome and cozy (if that makes sense LOL)

[reapersmarch]

remember what the dormouse said.

[faaun]

i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao

[mercymornsimpathizer]

💥💥💥uh oh! complaining alert!! 💥💥💥

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au

this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂

i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl

[todayisafridaynight]

plane scene is so funny cause why is mine a sleeper agent that wakes up whenever daigo is mentioned

can’t wait to see it in dragon engine :3

mine has been the winner for Funniest Character Imaginable for 15 consecutive years and i have yet to see anyone come close i fear

[coriander-candlesticks]

I've been trying to figure out how to incorporate religious practice into my life & trying to get over the fear of being...annoying? If that's the right word? It feels a little like tugging on the gods' sleeves when I make more than one offering a day to them even though I know I'm not, like, being rude by *checks notes* giving them things or dedicating time/activities to them. Today I made a dessert in preparation for tomorrow's Pathfinder game and dedicated that time spent baking to Hestia and Aphrodite, and it was really nice! I feel like I'm starting to find my footing despite my worries. I'm also trying to make sure I take time where I'm not thinking about religion at all so that I don't start to ruminate/spiral. It's happened a few times already to varying degrees and it's! Not fun!

It's possible it's hindsight/confirmation bias, but I do think the vibes of my tarot deck changed when I started reaching out to the Greek deities. It makes sense: I was using my deck to reach out to a completely different deity/deities before I started exploring Hellenic polytheism. And it's definitely not in a bad way, just more energetic and...light? When before it was heavier (in a comforting way). I've gotten consistently coherent pulls, too, which is nice.

I've been trying to remember to pour a libation to Hermes at certain street corners when I'm out & about, but I have to make a game plan for when other people are also in the area, even if it's just psyching myself up so I don't look awkward while I do it. I have a pendant that I keep in front of his altar/shrine jar that I try to remember to take with me when I travel, and it's been cool having something in my pocket that's consistently reminding me of him because I check so often to make sure it's still there. There were some...issues with my commute on Monday (a true comedy of errors on the city's part) but the change in routine was a *lot* easier to handle in the morning. Of course, the unusually cool temperature helped, but I do accredit the smooth transition to Hermes because I wasn't stressed at *all* for the vast majority of my commute when I usually would have been wiped from the mental/sensory strain of having to pivot & kinda just hope I guessed right on what to do next. The commute home was a nightmare but I didn't have a whole-ass work day ahead of me after that so the stress didn't matter as much (and I was able to get through the last bus ride & walk from the stop which I wasn't sure I'd have the mental fortitude for).

I'm almost done with the statue of Hermes I've been working on, and I finished a set of alphabet oracle "stones" (squares made from air dry clay...would that technically be closer to potsherds?) tonight. I'll share a picture of them once I finish their bag- I have some leftover green cotton yarn from a recent project that I think will go well with them. We'll see how well they hold up, though I'm not planning on doing the "shake them until one falls out" method so hopefully they'll last a while. I worked on them in the living room this evening, instead of in my room. I'm getting more comfortable showing little elements of what I've been exploring to my housemates; it was nice to be able to sit & paint & listen to the iliad while my friend did his own thing next to me on the couch.

I'm still trying to figure out how to gauge each housemates' potential reactions. It'll probably be fine: friend 1 actively has an altar-esque space and uses tarot cards and a pendulum and friend 2 is friend 1's wife. I'm a bit worried about friend 3 being weird about it, at least at first, but considering he was experimenting with witchcraft-esque things a few years ago (I distinctly remember charms & him discussing which of the wheel of the year days he wanted to observe) I think I'm overthinking things. He's an atheist & his view of witchcraft was, at the very least, *similar* to the psych model, which I think is where the hesitation has been coming from on my end. I have therapy this weekend so I think I'll start bringing things up then. The office my therapist is in openly advertises all sorts of alt/witchcraft things so I think I'll be safe there lol

[clawsextended]

on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

[kicks door down]

Autistic Nishiki whose special interest is fashion and not only considers what's trendy but also looks out for fabrics that aren't a sensory nightmare, however sometimes he will force himself to wear something that isn't comfy for appearance's sake, which leaves him more vulnerable to getting overwhelmed and therefore 'emotional' Also means he has his collar popped like Kiryu's for sensory reasons too and slutty reasons, which would once again make me correct in saying if he undid his collar in Kiwami he'd be normal again because if I were constantly experiencing sensory discomfort I too would be fucked up and evil.

Cause like here's the thing, autistic Kiryu and Majima headcanons are more obvious (especially the former), whereas Nishiki probably comes off as the most 'normal'; he can likely maintain eye contact and talk to people 'normally' and not like, go off on some random tangent about a special interest or hyperfixation. And then you remember masking is a thing.

And okay, so I actually think it's unfair a lot of fandom considers him a 'crybaby' right, cause he's cried in situations MOST PEOPLE WOULD RIGHTFULLY CRY OVER! BUT, I can use this to my Autistic Advantage and have this be he actually struggles to regulate his emotions, and considering he's been exposed to the yakuza world since a young age where ANY emotion that isn't 'respectable stoicism' or 'righteous fury and indignation', he's seen as even MORE overly emotional. Hence the need to start masking so early, PLUS having to protect Kiryu who couldn't mask if his life depended on it because he doesn't realise he may HAVE to (speaking from personal experience, Kiryu definitely went his whole life unaware there was anything ""wrong"" with him (for lack of a better word) and had people just like "oh yeah he's just Like That dw bout it" and went on with his life), so Nishiki takes up the mantle of I'm The One Who Knows What We're Doing Lad's desperate to gain acceptance and will change whatever he has to but people still somehow pick up that Something's Off About Him and so they tend to be disdainful or brush him off. It's easy charisma that can win over hostesses and brief encounters with civillians but can't carry across in the yakuza. Kiwami is him trying his DAMNDEST to act neurotypical even at the cost of his own comfort, and the worst part is it's not working